My lucky day

Luck, a mysterious word, a cursed word, an appreciated word, a confusing word; confusion like, are we lucky or, am I lucky? But for me it is an inspiring word, how? Because I know I am not lucky, so I have to prepare for 100% to get anything and I have to make positive effort to have something / someone in my life. In simple way of looking at it is ‘I don’t believe in the mystery of luck’. I always follow the idea “If you are prepared, no one can stop you from reaching your goals”. So, be prepared and the world will be at your feet.

But before I start this story, let me ask you guys something. Isn’t it great to have something which reminds us of the beautiful memories we have? Of course it is. That’s my motivation of writing though my whole literature group is in deep trouble. And as the title suggest, it is about my lucky day when my luck was at the extreme of its value. That day it was the first time (in my knowledge at least), I wished something and it came true. The wish was…. wait, wait, wait, let the sun to rise as it supposed to be and before I tell you about my lucky day, let us have a journey to way back in my life, at times when I never thought of writing something like this.

In my first college, I had a huge crush, huge means HUGE, which lasted for somewhere near three and half years (almost my entire college life). The day I first saw her, I just became fond of her, like affection of first sight or, in eyes / opinion of some of you guys ‘love at first sight’. But, but I was, so shy & coward & nervous & pathetic that I never made any move in my entire college life though we shared 3 good friends.

Now, you guys will ask, what kind of person I was that time. Well, if I start writing about me then the whole concept of writing these stories will be lost. I am just going to write about the events and my reactions / feelings at that moment and you guys are best to judge me. So, let the ball of time be rolling and let us proceed to the further in the amazingly pathetic story of my previous college life. J

So, I liked her but I never told anyone about it, anyone means anyone. We both were from different branches so I was not able to either attend any classes with her or give any exams with her except only one single exam (yeah you are guessing correctly, I am coming to this part). Some time I think, I am not that unlucky after all but next moment if I just see the final results, you can bet I am just pathetically lucky or rather I should say pathetically unlucky.

But nevertheless, I enjoyed every part of being me. Life is continuous learning, if I do not learn what better I could be then. So, where were we? Yeah, I got a chance to give only one exam with her (it was like some stars aligned in my favor). And you guys don’t believe it; she was sitting just behind me. But the luck didn’t stop there; when the invigilators came, they saw no one is sitting beside me, they asked her to come and sit beside me. I was like haaahhh. Then she came and sat beside me, just 10-12 inches from me and my heart started beating like hell drum. I felt so nervous, so uncomfortable, and so uneasy, I can’t describe the feeling. It was like a chaos started in my mind; blood circulation in my body became out of order; face muscle started vibrating with a frequency unattended before; my neck just jammed and kept my face only down to answer sheet and question paper; the only muscle in my body was still alive and functioning to its max were of my hands which were busying writing the answers in the answer sheet with a unimaginable speed. I felt like I was shivering while giving the exam.

My mind was hyperactive; my hands had all the blood circulation and all these because I was feeling very much uncomfortable as she was sitting beside me. In the middle of the exam she asked for my calculator, but as my mouth was stuck and had no voice at all, I used the only working part of my body (my hand) and put the calculator in between us without even looking at her like I was so busy with my own exam (that’s me). And when she returned it, I just used my hands to show her where to put it like an overly arrogant boy (means without looking at her again). But I couldn’t help it yaar, I just couldn’t, I was feeling so uneasy that time. I completed my exam and submitted the answer script and left the room as fast as I could. When I came out of the room and had some fresh air, then other parts of my body started working and then I thought I could had talked, or at least I could enjoy her company for next half an hour before the exam ends or, at least I could just sit and watch her; but it was already too late. The crush ended 6 month after that incidence and hence end of this storyL. I didn’t have any other crush in that college.

Now, let me tell you about that exam. I was in my pre-final year, it was a 3 hours exam which had 6 questions to be solves. All (but me) in my class had attended max of 5 questions and claimed that the questions were lengthy and time given was pretty less. But as I was hyperactive that time (my mind and hands only), I completed that exam in two and half hours and was the first one to leave the examination hall. Funny and pathetic right? But yeah that was me. And I can tell you, up to now also, I am not able to talk to her; but this is sure if I get a chance to meet her in near future, I will talk to her and tell her that once I had a huge crush on her or, just give her this write up. What you guys say, should I hand over this one to her?

Now let us come to my next college (IITK- A heaven on earth). Like there is saying, ‘people die but desires never’. In IITK, I had a number of crushes but one was a little higher than others and as well, was my first crush in IITK and as usual at the first glance, I liked her. I had a regret of not talking to my crush in my previous college; so I decided not to fail this time. So, one day I just went to her and had a tiny chat (one minute). Of course this girl was also not from my department moreover, we both were in different league, she was/is an undergraduate student and I was postgraduate. Nevertheless I talked with her few times, but because of our different leagues and also I didn’t want her to waste time with me, I kept my distance.

You know I still can’t believe that I had the courage to just go and talk with anybody, but that was also me, arrogant, overly confident. Approximately 3 month after my first chat with her, I lost that confident or, rather discarded it. And near that time my chat ended with her. End of story? No, no, no it didn’t start yet. So, let’s start it from beginning.

My first conversation with her was, “what’s your name?” and her reply “what?” mine “your nameJ……” My last conversation with her was “How did you know that I am a pg scholar?” her reply “….you left that MTH101 (one of the nightmare for the UGs) class in the middle and instructor saw that and all other students started clapping and ……” one of the craziness I had done at IITK, I don’t want to bother you guys with unnecessary details.

Observing my behavior I have shown to her, I can (anyone can) conclude that she think of me as a really crazy / mad guy. By the way, all people who know me also have the same kind of thinking about me which conclude I must be a crazy person. So, at least I can’t blame her for what she thinks about me and also I do not. People think about me the way I want them to.

It’s been one and half year since I discarded my confidence. Time is a cruel thing, run faster when you enjoy the moments and walk like tortoise when you wish the moment to pass quickly. I was assigned to some TA work which I enjoyed a lot. In the last class, my TA guide asked me whether I could be an invigilator of another course of his if I had time as the exam was supposed to be conducted in two rooms. I replied positively and asked about the time and place. Place, a nice thing to have, though the TA professor and his course were from my department (she was not from my department); still I wished / thought what if she could also be in the any of those two room giving her exam, she would think I am a hell crazy guy. But the probability of that was somewhere around 0.1 % or, one in thousand. So, I left hope.

On the day of invigilation, I came and watched both room and saw in one room there was only one girl and some guys (let’s call it room 1) and in other room (room 2) nobody was there. My TA guide suggested me to go to room 2. I agreed. FYI, in room 2 there were only guys and they all were from my department (UGs). In the mid of the exam one of them asked some question related to a question in the question sheet. I answered him something but to confirm, I went in to another room to look for the TA guide but of my surprise, that room was filled up with at least 15 to 20 girls (big deal in IITK where number of peacocks and peahens are more than girls). But I couldn’t find him there, so I rushed out of that room only to find him coming out from back door of that room (room 1).

I saw plenty of girls in that room, so, I thought she might be there. So, when I got chance (actually when the professor was in my room of invigilation), I went to other room (room 1) and had a chair and started searching for my luck. And you bet she was there. Smile on my face increase like I reached inside heaven. This was the first time, I wished for myself and luck had it blessing upon me. I was just too happy that day. I know my complete wish was granted that day, did you guy remember what was the other part of my wish. It was “she would think I am a hell crazy guy” and I am confirm that it was also fulfilled because of the way I entered and left the room in which she was giving her exam first time. But still I am too happy; at least once my luck was with me not against me. After that, nothing, zero, I left the college and she is still marching toward her graduation. This is my life, after all neither luck favors me nor do I believe in it. I know if I want any of my dreams to come true, I have to step toward it and second thing I know is falling in love is quite easy, fast and simple; just keep on thinking one good thing you liked about the person you want to fall in love with, rest you can left to your heart and mind.

So, that’s it. Hope you guys enjoyed another part of my life. Buh-bye……take care….and keep smiling……and longed for more, wish for more, who knows sometime, someday it might come true………

Your Friend

S K Burnwal

I started again

The best thing about life is ‘it is so unpredictable’, like it rewards when least expected or, not at all expected. Likewise, little efforts sometimes makes people (including ourselves) smile, sometime not. But it is always worth trying the thing we enjoy doing, like I again started writing after one and half years knowing I am not going like it after few months. Why? Because I found now that few things are worth writing, even if no one is going to read it afterwards including myself, and I enjoy writing the happy, funny moments of my life.

So, here I come again, as you can see, after a long time and that’s also in the month of love, love and love with a new story to tell, new moments to feel and also a new _____. Hmm, I know you guys can easily guess [;)]. So, as I already mentioned it has been almost 18 months since my last feeling encounter (a story still in WIP) which turned out to be my last one of that era. But with the blessing of someone I respect and care a lot, I regain the reason to start again (although this time also I blew up my chances as usual but still the moments, the feelings are worth framing into a story). The month of beautiful colours of love has a new colour in my life.

Many of you may not know that I stop writing the stories due to my own mistakes. Actually I lost my reason to write and without purpose life has no meaning, how could my write ups would have. And it was all my fault. My confidence was flowing out of me like the river flow in the flood and that’s why its hold became necessary and I bounded it with the rule ‘my freedom ends where my nose ends’ (funny right, yeah I am good at it).

I could keep on going with all kind of abstract talks (like above) which at the end of the day doesn’t make any sense. So, I better come to the creamy part of this story, making ourselves relax & comfortable with the real world, my world of happiness & imagination. So, let’s begin our journey through the beautiful moment of my life.

It all started (and sadly finished) in the train, my journey to Bangalore which I started half heartily. I was travelling with few friends but soon I realised that I was the odd one in the group. It was like being in the crowd but feel like no one is around. So, when I got a chance to separate from others, I did it and exchanged my berth with someone in need, a berth where I knew no one and felt the same (not a good idea but I did I went for this as I am generally a sole traveller).

So, I got a new berth, new berth mates, and obviously new start in the journey having new opportunities, new things to discover, new things to feel, new energy started flowing in my body and with this new energy what I did was sleeping, eating, sleeping, eating and little services to my berth mates like passing the food etc when I was not feeling sleepy. Isn’t I am a great person. No need for applause, all credit goes to my sleepy mind (my mind will not work if I do not sleep well and eat well). There is a saying ‘Good food is a direct way to men’s heart’.

After having ample of sleep (i.e. around mid of the day), I looked around the people accompanied me and among those there was the girl, who…….. Wait-wait-wait, hold your horses, don’t be too much excited just with the word ‘the girl’, please have some patience friends, I will but later. Actually there were two girls, but my story has concern only with one, ‘the girl’. She also got few here and there services from me like others.

As usual I wanted to talk (old habits die hard & in my case they aged very slowly too), but this time self realization from my last mistake overwhelmed the thought of talk. Earlier, I used to start the talk just to see whether I am able to start a talk or not and now as I know I can, this booster was lost. Nevertheless, I somehow figured out that she also wanted to talk to me, but still it is a worthless thing to me as this booster was also not that high to overcome the thought of self realization. At that time I felt so helpless. I was confirmed she wanted to talk but a girl will generally not start a talk (my thought) and my so called self realization didn’t allow me to start the talk. I felt mockingly laughing at myself as well as felt sorry for myself as this is the first time I was confirmed this girl wanted to talk to me and I was not starting the talk (pathetic me).

You may ask how I knew that she wanted to talk to me, and the answer is ‘I really don’t know’. Just my heart told me that she wanted to talk but my mind was not able to figure out why a girl, as good looking as her, wanted to talk to me. In fact she was more than what I want. That moment what I did was nothing but started to feel the sweet songs from my mobile to distract myself (in speaker but keeping in mind that my freedom ends where my nose ends).

After few songs, my heart’s feelings became true and my mind’s confusions became alive as she started the talk (she proved my thought wrong and I felt wonderful). The talk lasted for few minutes as I didn’t have anything to talk. Everything was so sudden and my mind was busy with sorting out its own dungeon of confusions (I was so confused). So, I went to my friends’ berths where there were 4 kids and had some good time playing with them, which at least saved my mind from its own dungeon of questions which doesn’t have answers unless I ask her why, which was not at all feasible.

More time passed, train stopped at one station. I got down to the platform only to find that she was already there. She saw me and smiled. What the heaven, generally I am the one who smile first, she aced me here too. I just froze at that moment looking at her smiling; the whole world became so beautiful. She looked so fine in her simple attire. Everything was nicest in my life at that moment. I just smiled back (a ‘HIS smile’) and said ‘HI’. Do girls know what make them more beautiful than any other cosmetic cream can ever do and that’s also free of cost? I think most of them don’t. The girls look best when they are wearing a ‘HIS smile’ on their face. Didn’t get it? Here ‘HIS smile’ is Humble & Innocent & Sweet smile, just like ‘Eid ka chand’.

So, where I was, yeah, I said ‘HI’ to her. Our conversation started again. She asked my name. No doubt here also she made the first goal, as generally I do not ask the name from a girl because I think it’s rude. Then some of you may have doubt that how in the world of imagination I get their names. Very simple yaar, I first introduce myself and if they wanted to introduce themselves, they will. So, I told her my first name and waited for a while thinking, ‘everything is going in reverse direction today, so I better ask her name’. And I did ask her name. She told me her name. The very first thing that came into my mind after knowing her name was ‘a popular song having her name’. So, I asked “your parents might have liked ‘the song’ while thinking about your name?” She smiled and said “they might have”. We had few more casual talks then the signal became yellow and we boarded the train.

I then went to the kids and she went to her berth. When I returned to my birth, it was my great surprise to see that she had given me a small favour which shows that she did care about me. It might be a very natural thing for her as we had introduced ourselves. But as I had gotten very-very few favour/s in my life and moreover I never got unasked favour from a girl (I already had one asked favour from a girl after which I decided not to ask any favour from a girl) so, this one is the first unasked favour given to me from a sweet girl and I liked it. I liked it so much that I did not say thank you to her. I was so thrilled / happy in that moment that ‘thank you’ seemed to me a very cheap thing to say. So, I didn’t say anything (I am such an idiot). That time she just boarded a direct flight to my heart.

I was sitting beside her, perpetually confused on what to say to her, as I didn’t want to say ‘thank you’ to her. But no idea came out of my stupid mind (my mind jammed when I talk to girls face to face). Suddenly it hit in my mind, ‘we can watch a movie in my laptop’. So, I asked permission to all my berth mates to watch a movie. And they all agreed. I am so bad. We watched a movie name ‘Megamind’-animated comedy action movie. She was sitting just next to me. Everything was just awesome.

Next morning we reached our destination. We bid each other good bye. I was full of energy when I got down from train and my friends were still sleepy. So, There everything ends and I enjoyed my journey with her. The best part in my journey is her. After we separated, I realised ‘something is terribly missing in my life’. I had everything I needed but still I was having nothing at all. Literally you can say that ‘kudi dil le gayi yaar’. And the worst part of my journey is I didn’t have any contact of her. Unlucky, pathetic, silly (etc you can add more later) me. Hey, not a problem yaar, there are still many other girls out there. At least one will be for me also. So, cheer up and wait for next story. Buh-bye. And Keep Smiling.

Your Friend

Santosh