MDG

After a long perturbation or, you can say an inner cold war in my mind to raise my confidence, I decided to start my pen again. I took out one pen and some pages which already had their one face booked with small stories & poems capable to turn on high morals and motivations in any person. I sat down in my supposed seat and looked at the girl sitting just opposite to me. She made me or, rather I say, forced me to write, write on what I felt.

Hello friends. Yeah, I know, you are now thinking that this guy must be out of his mind, what a nice person he used to be and now he is acting just like a flirt or something, write-ups only for girls and only in just one small meet, tauba tauba tauba. Ha yaar aise to tum thik hi soch rahe ho. I am also thinking that I am becoming that type of person (jaha lerki dekhi nahi ki fishal gaye) but still I think that this change is not complete and long way to go and at this time I am still a good boy, if not better. You do not believe it. Then let me start the story. Aur aise bhi I don't know how, but girls (not every) inspire me to write; like this one goes to my female phone-friend as she liked my previous story very much and asked me write another. About her, I haven't seen her yet. So, I can't tell how she look-like but yeah I talked with her in phone and I do tell you her voice is very charming to ears. She is colleague of one of my good friend of college. And you know what, this class-mate of mine, a tall guy, two front teeth like rabbits, having high self-esteem, nicest person from heart but not mouth (enough praising of a guy, I supposed to praise only girls), forced or rather I say, trapped me to chat with her in the phone. I know his only intention was to make me feel comfortable while talking with girls as at those times I felt afraid to talk with girls. Hence naturally, she is the first girl, I had talked a lot and obviously only in phone (while she paying the bills). Due to her help, now I freely talk to girl. And yet you know how much rude/arrogant I am, I didn't thanks her a single time. It is not that I don't want to but saying thanks just in phone, I don't feel, is a nice way to say thanks. It should be something good and special and I do tell you guys I will make it special. So, let us go ahead in the story.

I had spent a good time (five delighting days) in Delhi and this was day of my return. My mama left me up to New Delhi station. This was my first time, I was going to board in an A.C. Coach (3 tier). After an evening walk up to my couch in sun, I entered the coach and had a little conversation with a elderly person (looking around 65) for my seat. At that moment I felt that my voice was not very pleasing to ears though I was giving him the proper respect. So, I came out of the berth and washed my face and told myself, I should be more kind while talking to elder person. I came back to the berth and took the seat (actually his as he wanted mine).

The train started. In my berth, I was accompanied by one Bengali couple, the elder person and his daughter, and one person from Health Ministry. As an intro to them, the Bengali couple seemed to me as they were around 30-35 and the lady just look like younger sister of one of my aunt. The Health ministry man was around 35-40 looked like an honest person with good thoughts. The elder person who seemed to me as 65 year old was actually a retire headmaster and he was above 70. And the last, the girl, the daughter of elder person, was exactly a type of girl I am looking for years (just by looking), means she got my 50 out of 100 (50 for looking and 50 for character), I think many of you now can imagine how might she look like. So, I think no need for praising her further. But hey hey hey, this is not why I am writing this as I had seen many girl like her, even better and more appealing in looks, so why then? Just go on you will find soon.

It had been half an hour pass the train had started. I was listening to my ipod in fairly loud sound. Suddenly I had seen the little drops rolling down the girl’s cheek just like little droplets accommodate & fall down from a very cold surface when exposed to air. I stopped listening to the song and took out the ear-phone and found that she was sobbing. And other around her, looked at her to see who is sobbing and went back to their usual position. I was looking at her with fixed gaze without her being notice it. Actually I was not able to distract my eyes from her as she was sobbing. She made me feel sorry for her. I wanted to talk to her, console her, make her smile. I just wanted her to stop sobbing. But I was not able to. I felt very miserable for my condition that time as I was not confident enough to console someone sitting next to me, here it’s her. I hated myself a lot. It made me feel low. So, I thought of writing this feeling of mine such that next time I will not do the same mistake and till then acquire some more confidence to console a person in pain sitting next to me. I started writing it.

After some time her sobbing increases, and then I was not able to hold my self back anymore. I stopped my pen and asked her why she was sobbing. But instead of replying my answer she quickly asked me if I could give her some space near her father (as beside her father I was sitting). Her question act just like a switch in my mind and telling her “why not”, I left the seat for her. She sat near her father and then her sobbing converted into crying. She was crying out loud enough to be heard in entire berth.

After some time the god had shown luck on me and I was having ample number of opportunity to talk to her but I was not able to. Actually I don't know how to start or, rather why I should start, as her father seemed like a very good, experience man in consoling. I am nowhere near him. So, I just did shut my mouth up as a good boy and just listen to what her father was telling her. In the middle of consoling her, he also asked some introductory question to me. I think just to distract her thoughts which giving her pain.

She did stop crying but tears were still falling like dew droplets from her eyes. After some time all became silent. Her father ordered for a tea which was just passing by then and which also came with a small toffee/sweetie as they didn’t have the change. So, he offered her the toffee and she did put it in her mouth and start enjoying its taste. You must ask why this very small thing I am mentioning here. Yeah it do related with something I never forget. Wanna know what. Keep patient yaar.

You can’t believe it yaar. Her face when she was enjoying the toffee, was uufff masa allah, became just like a small child who had been tortured/humiliated by his/her friends/classmates and was consoled by giving a toffee by their parents. She was enjoying the toffee and her eyes and cheeks were having the residue of the last rain fall. You can’t imagine how her face and also she was looking that time unless you saw her, sorry observed her. It’s just marvelous. It really made me feel happy to see her like that. And I do tell you guys she was just looking like a child; small, innocent, beautiful, emotional, what else could I write about her, she was just all I want.

After many hours of traveling (actually the 2nd day in train), we talked and there I came to know that she was very emotional, religious, ambitious. In the morning of this 2nd day (before talking to her) I felt that she was again going to cry. So, when we talked I pointed to her cry last day. She told me it’s just personal. On this I told her “I know it’s personal and also I don’t want to know the reason, only thing I want to share that sometimes unknowingly we hurt our dear ones but we never mean it. Actually we are just not able to figure out that this doing / saying of ours may hurt the person in front of us. So, I think it’s worthless to cry and feel sad on something which in reality not meant to hurt us.” (one more stupid thinking of mine, kabhi kabhi to mujhe bhi lagta hai ki me to saamne wale ko ekdom hi bore kar deta hoon apni baato se).

Then after some time they came down from the train and headed to their destination. I just bid them bye. She also left. Now about that numbering system above, yeah she got my rest of the 50 points also which is acquired by very few girls and boys. So, that’s make it 100 out of 100, see how much generous I am in giving the marks. She is one of the very-very-very few girls whom I want in my life or, you can say she is all I wanted in my life; she is my MDG (my dream girl). Yeah she is my dream girl for whom I can only dream but never get in my life (at least her), an ideal dream girl. Did I tell you that why she is ideal dream girl. Nahi na. Actually yaar the main funny part of my story I didn’t write yet, she had sun in her forehead. Didn’t get me? It had been then two months when she already made a knot with someone else. My great-great luck, I met with my dream girl who is already married with someone else (aur wo bhi sirf do mahine pahle, uff, hayere meri chamchamati kismat). I am not saying that she is only one as MDG. I think there are a lot more in this world and someday I will find another, nice thought na. So, for that time I just need to wait and dream.

Bye-bye …keep smiling….just enjoy yaar with all you have …as this is the only one life we are given to live…

Your friend
Santosh kumar Burnwal

One of the Memorable and Refreshing Day of My Life

So, she left me. I was consoling myself the whole day in the Lucknow, the city of Nawabs, though I knew I could just not have her company all the time. She and I had different path to go and some time sooner or later, she had to leave me. At last, in the return train to Howrah I was able to console myself. I was feeling nice and looked outside the window. The weather outside the train was tremendously beautiful. Nature was in her most charming look. All the memories were now becoming a means for my smile and happiness. One could see a wide, big everlasting smile on my face. One could guess I might have found the treasures of Kuber. Actually, I do got something more precious than that. Something that I didn't have until then. Something which can't be stolen from me, neither can be destroyed. Something which going to give me smile in my forth coming life. It’s one day of my life, one day with a girl in my life. She made me aware of, taught me, made me feel so many things that I didn't have in my past life. The happiness inside me and the charming nature outside the window inspired me to write, write on what I had learned, felt, enjoyed; write about her, for her, for my friends and for myself such that I can never forget the day. I just wanna save the time(day) in a bottle (write up) which Jim Croce was willing to do as shows in his brilliant song.

“If I could save time in a bottle

the first thing that I liked to do

Is to save everyday, till eternity passes away

just to spend them with you.................”

Hi, as an introduction to me, I am Santosh kumar Burnwal, an arrogant Mechanical Engineer, want many things in life but not willing to give any effort toward it, you can say a typical kind of lazy guy. In my life I want the laddoos severed in the silver plate placed in front of me, and in very few part of my life I did get them. Up to my college life (golden period of one's life) I was rarely in any contact with girls (except my sisters). It is not that I didn't want to have girls as my friend but at those times I was too much shy to start a talk with them. Reason (it's human nature to justify his every deed or else) - In my whole academic life I was always surrounded with guys, not a single girl in my class, even in my college, in my department one girl had taken admission but didn't came a single day in the class and joined some other college. But still that was all right that time as I was always busy with myself, animations, computer, computer games, friends (boys) etc., hence no time for girls. But frankly speaking yaar I don't know how but I think I was a coward. I didn't have any courage to talk to a girl face to face and hardly I had 5 min conversation with any girl until that day. And even more, while talking to them I used to feel very nervous and fearsome to a amount that I wanted to end the conversation as fast as possible or even more faster, behaving such that they gonna eat me soon. Yeah I know it's funny but it's true and even my friends well aware of it. Hence naturally I didn't befriend any girl.

But that was until that day, a fine refreshing day of my life in IITK (Indian Institute of Technology, Kanpur), a threshold in my life. Here I tried to capture that day and my feeling in few mere words. And as I am over brilliant in English (joking), please forgive me for making its upside down. Actually I got my whole Language group in full water. So, I can't help it anyway. Moreover it's not an autobiography kinda thing rather it's a story of my encounter with a girl face to face, first girl in my life so far for that much long time. She came in my life like a sweet, calm, enthralling song and rocked me to my core and went leaving the music of that song in my heart to enjoy it in my blues.

In that day (the day which was not going to be the usual), the day of interview in IITK, I woke up much earlier than I generally do. And after having done my morning rituals it was still 6:00 A.M. and I didn't know what I would do next so I took the bi-cycle of my friend (who is pursuing his M. Tech. there) and went out to see how the whole IIT sank in the first rays of sun. After some time of cycling here & there and passing through a number of peacocks wandering around the area, I saw a foreigner guy around 5'11" built athletic, jogging with a remarkable speed. So I caught him up and found out that he was an American, and here (in IITK) for his summer training. Leaving him and almost 1½ hrs of cycling I suggested myself to stop my philosopher's viewing or, morning exercise (which generally I never do) and go back. I went to my friend's room and woke him up. Then about 8:20 we went together to the hostel dining hall where breakfast was ready to be eaten by its dwellers. After breakfast he (my friend) took me to the Mechanical Department, NET class room where I was supposed to report at 9:00 A.M. There I saw around 60-70 candidates, came there to try their luck in building their career in Nuclear Engineering & Technology, out of which I had a glimpse of around 5 or, 6 girls. As in the room there was not enough space for all of us. Hence some of us (including me) stay outside the room and fortunately most of the girl candidates were outside and obviously she was among us. After some time we were asked to go to some other seminar hall in the other part of the building. Where I sat alone in the first row, beneath a fan and 4 girls (including her) & 2 boys sat in the second row in a way that I was near to the two guys and her. Rests of the 3 girls were sitting after her. All of the girls including her were having their girly group discussion (everyone was speaking nobody listening).

Now, allow me to give a little intro of her. She appeared as a fair, long faced, tall (around 5'7", taller than me), having big eyes, much better looking than other girls, in a lovely yellow suit with a smile on her face pronouncing her confidence & friendly nature and with few pimples on her face (taki nazar na lage). No doubt she was healthier than me. In few words she seemed to me quite charming. What I liked most about her, was her smile and her height. She was there all by herself which also impressed me a lot as I like independent, confident, self-sufficient people having high potential inside them to lead them at anything they wanted in their life.

Now I think those of you who know me, must have a question in your mind. Who started the conversation between us? And that credit goes to me. Yeah its me. After some time of our stay in the seminar hall the two guys behind me and the two girls next to her found their requirement in different places and hence left the room. Now it’s only her who was sitting near me. Then after acquiring some courage I initiated the talk, which lasted for 10-15 min, as that was interrupted by the volunteers in that interview who asked all the candidates in the seminar room to go back to the NET class room (where we were to report earlier). There also I found or, rather I say, managed, a place to sit almost near her. But this time the 4th girl in previous room sat beside her and they had started their conversation. Hence I thought not to interrupt them. But soon I found that first, this 4th girl turn for the interview was near and second, some of the guys after discussing with the volunteers about their turns for interview, headed toward the near canteen. I also decided to have a look of the near canteen, hence I inquired about my turn which was going to be after approximately 1-2 hrs. Without having a second thought I came near her and ask politely "kya aap mere sath canteen jana pasand karengi" and she answered yes, what a lovely word to ears, "yes". I also suggested her to check her turn and mean while I looked at the rest of the class where few pair of eyes were staring me with a familiar expression on the bearer face. I gave them a smile and left the room with her.

After a little walk we reached at the nearest canteen. There I asked her what would she like to take. Her reply- one cup of tea. So, I ordered 2 of it and inquired whether she would like to take anything else. Her answer, a simple no with a smile on her face (actually I always found her smiling which was enriching her beauty and enforcing happiness and smile within her spread among the persons near her like a contact disease and luckily that moment I was that person, only person). So, her answer was no. What a nice girl. And there I was, willing pay for any thing she wanted, as that was my first time I asked a girl to have something and hey-hey that was my first time out (at least up to canteen) with a girl too. Personally speaking I would be rather happier if she asked for something else, but my bad luck. So where I was, yeah, after placing our order we found a place to sit in that round bottom canteen and again started our information transfer on academic concern, waiting for our order to be fulfilled.

In discussing with her I came to know about something called 'Girls Quota'. Yeah you read it correctly, 'Girls Quota'. To increase the number of girls in the class there was/is a new reservation for girls in her college. Amazing na. (I now think what happen to the guys there, poor fellows, this further increases the competition between them as our Ex-HRD minister Mr. Arjun Singh already alloted approximately 60% reservations to different castes.) After discussion of 30-40 min and while enjoying our cup of tea, I found some flying creature found its home in my cup and hence I had to abandon it in the middle of my journey to finish it. My good luck, see I was so much spell bound in talking with her, I didn't notice when it (creature) started swimming in that holy drink. Here one thing I could never able to confirmed, when did I abandon my cup, at the right time or, it's already too late? as far as I think it was at the right time (Hota hai yaar aisa bhi hota hai).

After she finished her cup of tea, we came back to the NET class. But this time again bad luck (but for a very few minutes), I was not able to find out two consecutive empty seats for us. So, she had to sit after 2 guys from me in the back row. But still from that distance I started talking with her as she was so quiet. Then fortune showed upon me and the guy near her got his turn and left the room. Good na, I took his seat and continue our discussion on what were the probable questions we (I didn't mention na (see what kind of bad memory I have), she also from Mechanical) were going to be asked. And then volunteer announced her name. She stood up and went to the interview room gate.

She was confidence but little tensed about her interview and stood in front of gate of chamber of torture/enjoyment (different cases, they enjoyed and we were tortured). I suggested her to sit down in near table and take a deep breath and just cool down and free her mind from every other rubbish thoughts and be bold and confident. She took the deep breath but chose not to sit. Her turn came and she entered and found out that one interviewer addressed her as a girl from Nainital. And obviously it's not her. There was slight difference in their name, only thing the two names pronounced similar and could mislead if not heard correctly. So, it was not her turn, she came out from that dark room, when I inquired about her interview, she smiled and made me also aware of what happened in the interview room.

We again started our conversation and after some time my turn came and my interview ended in less than 4 minutes. What the hell, I had to spend my 4 days to give a interview of just 4 minutes. What a loss of time. They could have taken the Telephonic interview. Still I was, no, I am much happier that they called; otherwise I was not able to meet one nice girl and went for my first date (or, whatever it was). When I came from that lovely little chamber of secretes, I don't know how but now it was her turn for the interview, just after me, can you believe it. I think I was blessed that day with a exceptional amount. God tussi great ho.

I didn't have to wait for her for too long as her interview also finished soon. I decided to came out of the academic building with her as I had no idea where the main gates for exit were (forget- I came in that building with my friend and in a bicycle) and as she came there by all herself and told me she knew the way out. Though the main reason was I wanted to have a little more of her company (yeh dil mange more yaar). When she saw I got a bicycle, she asked, how in the world of IIT I was able to manage a bi-cycle for me as she had already asked for it from some of her temporary neighbors in the girls' hostel and they denied to give her their ones. I mentioned to her that it belonged to my friend who studied there. And also suggested if she liked to have a ride on it, she could, as I generally walked with a fairly fast speed. Only problem the front tire was breathless. But she chose to walk with me.

After few distance of walking together she remembered that she forgot to ask how we were able to find out the results and also the fee structures and other things. So, we went back to the volunteers and started to clear out our questions. And there I/we came to know about the selection policy and seats in department, Department of Nuclear Engineering and Technology. What a department yaar, the no. of seat are not fixed and depending on quality of students it might vary from 3-10 (record of last 3 years). What a selection, in a few minutes of interview how one could judge anyone.

After getting our answers we came out of the academic building to find ourself in the arms of rays of sun which was just above our head. Walking toward her hostel, Girls' hostel 1, she questioned me why the other girls didn't give her their bi-cycle, if someone had asked her for her bi-cycle (if she had) she generously gave them. What could I say? I just tried to show her their (other girls') ways of thinking on giving a mere bi-cycle. I think she got my point that time. We reached her hostel. I said good bye and then asked for her no. but my luck, she refused to give it but she suggested me to take her email. I took her email address, sat in the half alive bi-cycle, ready to tear the sheets of wind, of a sudden I felt something I was missing, I didn't say her good bye correctly, so I told her 'keep smiling, bye' (which I usually do while mailing) with a smile on my face. And left her seeing her smiling.

I rode the bi-cycle to the hall of residence of my friend and surprised that her hostel was near no no it was neighbor of my friend's hostel and the back gate is very near to girls’ hostel front gate. So, we were temporary neighbors as I was temporary staying in my friend's room. What a coincidence. I reached at the room (my friend’s room). I was/am much thankful for his help also. Indirectly I told him that I had talked to a girl and he was also surprised and told me, 'I heard that you have changed but this much I didn't imagine.' What could I say, I just gave him my smile, a big smile.

We took our lunch and came back to his room, there I thought to mail her at least such that it (her mail id) could store in my email as I have a combination of very bad and very good memory and second thing (aise to me apni tareef jaldi hi kar deta hoon) you know I am a intelligent guy, I knew that she was going to check her mail. So, I mailed her.

I found out that one of my big brother (cousin) was on-line, so I started chatting him about her (much briefly what I have written above). And in the middle of chatting her reply mail came asking for a next meet that day at 5:00 pm if I had time. “If I had time” - obviously I had time, what would I do rather in that evening except wandering here and there alone in that big IIT campus. It was much better to have a company and best if the other person could be a girl. So, I replied 'all right, sharp at 5:00 pm'.

I was very happy (everyone in place of me would be) as well as a little question in my mind came 'why she wanted to meet me?', soon the second thought came, 'may be she was also alone and wanted one friend to accompany her in her evening.' But I didn't dare to ask her 'why?' (aise bhi yaar kaun apna saam karab karna chahega iss sare hue question ke liye aur wo bhi jab pahli baar aise saam mili ho to). I told my big brother that she replied and wanted to meet me. He told me, ' wah yaar, bahut achchi baat hai, jao apne date par, par jaida ummeed mat rakhna aur ha achchi batein karna' and I replied him back, 'bhaiya mujhe to iski bhi ummeed nahi thi ki wo mujhse phir se milna chahengi, aur aap ise date kahte ho to ye hi sahi. Aur ha mene aaj tak kisi ladki se thik se baat nahi ki, achchi batein kya cheez hoti hai mujhe kya pata. Jo hoga dekha jayega, I will behave like she is my friend and I think that's enough.' He laughed and granted me best of luck. 'Best of luck', I never believed and still not believing that thing called luck ever exist without giving any effort. For acquiring a good luck you have to put forward your hand and grab every opportunity that come in your way (my thinking).

I left the room 10 minutes earlier, (5 min for reaching there and 5 minutes for the synchronization of our watches as I didn't know her watch was how much fast than mine). But with my speed I reached there (in front gate of girls’ hostel) in less than 3 minutes and I had to wait for her for 6 minutes, 6 long minutes. Here she came in a completely new look. She surprised me. No no I am not saying that I didn't like her new avatar but I much liked her in her previous look ie in salwar suit rather than now (Tee and Denim), though her looks now became much more appealing. Aise bhi guys have two type of taste in women they like, one for marriage and other for flirt. Am I not correct? No need to mention which type of girls they choose for marriage or, serious relationship. My thinking here is a little bit different though and an inexperience one. Considering just looks, I think my girlfriend should be gorgeous and my wife should have a appealing look. (kinta sochta hoon na me, mujhe bhi lagta hai, jald hi me pagalkhane jane wala hoon. Mat puchna kisliye, mujhe kya pata kisliye).

She came. I just said hi. As I didn't know what to say else as it's just our second meet. We started walking aimlessly talking with each other. There she wished if we had bi-cycles then it became much easier to enjoy the beauty of IIT and she was right, this IITK is really very big and the day I arrived there, I lost myself, though I was with my friend's bi-cycle and finally had to ask someone for the way to the hostel. So where I was, yeah, I asked her if she had asked for one already from her temporary hostel-mates. She replied no. I suggested her to come with me to my friend's hostel, might be I could manage two bi-cycle.

We came to the hostel, she waited out side the rear gate and I went inside for 2 bi-cycle and fortunately I got them (one was of my friend and other was of his class-mate and 2 year senior from my college). I let her chose which bi-cycle was going to be blessed; she chose the other one, as my friend's bi-cycle was still half breathing. So, we decided to go to a repair shop to make my bi-cycle healthy like a horse. After a few meters of bi-cycling she asked me to exchange the bi-cycle as she got problem in riding her one. I said 'all right, we will exchange after required repair in my bi-cycle.' After a little searching program we were able to reach the nearest repair shop and gave it a new life. And exchange our vehicles. The bi-cycle that I got then was very hard for casual ride, it was meant for a race or, something and more over its paddles got their own way. Still I rode it.

As we had no specific place to go I suggested her to come with me to my official place of residence (it was a room which I hired for my stay but didn't stay there more than one hour.) as I wanted to quit from that poor room. And here also she didn't entered the hall. I directly went to hall-warden room (as I already moved my stuffs to my friends room) and handed him the keys and did the rest of the formalities and came out as fast as I could.

Now we decided to have a look of the shop center (a small market place in the IIT). In the middle of our way we found a preservation area for plant which had the visiting timing 8 to 5. so we were not allowed to have a look inside it. After few minutes of cycling we reached our so called destination but in the back gate where no bi-cycle was allowed to enter. So we had to make a half round of it to entered it from the front side. We parked our bi-cycle and entered the market. There she told me that she was there (in IITK as well as in that market), 2 years back for a Girls Table Tennis Championship in which she was also a participant and her college team won the trophy. I congratulated her for her & her team's victory. Also she told me she came in that market earlier to get a treat of ice-cream from her senior. I think now you get my point here. Yeah I suggested having some ice-cream and she nodded yes.

We had our selection, gave our order, then I saw she was insisting to pay. So I suggested my journey was going to end next day and of her was going to end after 4 days. So, let me pay for it, but still she was willing to pay. What else I could do except asking her to lend me all the extra money she had such that after it she was not able to pay anymore. So, finally she allowed me pay for them. We sat in a concrete slab surrounding a tree where we generally saw the pigeons making their time. As I didn't have the idea how to continue our conversation, I asked her about her liking in movies, songs, cuisines. Sorry yaar I was not able to come to guys. And there I came to know that she likes rock songs though she didn't have enough in her home. So, I let her listened some rock songs of my ipod (aur wo bhi full sound me such that she could not able to hear me for the time when I praised her. taki wo ye na samajhe ki me flirt kar raha hoon aur na hi phool jaye).

Do you know, she told me that even if I had not told her that I am from West Bengal (WB), she could guess that I am from WB, as my way of talking matches with one of her friend from Kolkata. I was surprised as before her 2 or, 3 persons who didn't know me, asked me if I was from Lucknow as they thought my way of addressing a person is like a person from there. And second thing that she asked me if I write poems (this thing also she guessed from my way of talking). I smiled and said 'no I don't like writing anything'. But see now I am writing a story. So, I think she was partially right or, you can say I was wrongly replied to her.

At the end of the talk, she told that she needed one cobbler for her sandal (I thought that time that she gonna beat me from her sandal). On asking why, she replied that it was broken last evening (oh, thank god she didn't gonna beat me). So, we asked one person if that market shop had any repairer of shoes and others and they showed us the way to the shop. But you know what she had her sandal in her room back in the hostel. So, we went and again came back from her hostel.

The time when the all repair work had been done, it already dark and sky was covered with stars but I was not looking at those as one star was with me. After so much of talking I became thirsty and asked her what she wanted to take but she said 'nothing'. What nothing, I was not expecting that (me waha pyas se mara ja raha tha aur inhe kuch nahi chahiye, wah kya baat hai.). Still I bought a bottle of cold water and after satisfying myself, I gave it to her saying “ye to le hi sakti hai sirf pani hi to hai”.

It was time for our return; I asked her how come if we could go to the station tomorrow together. She said OK and suggested me that she heard that one bus (IITK bus) in the morning could take us to station but she didn't know the timing. So, on the way of returning we asked one guard about the time and location of the bus.

We reached at the Hall-4 (my friend's hall of residence) front gate and stopped by the guard there, why? As after 6:00 no girl was allowed in the guys hostel (it already 7:30) and a meeting on it was also going on inside the hall. I told him that she would leave the hall as soon as she parked the bi-cycle, but he remained fix with the rule and told me if I were a fixed resident of the hall I could take her to hall otherwise I needed my friend (who was a fixed resident of the hall). So, I told her its better to go from back gate as the particular bi-cycle stand was near to the rear gate and I would take both the bi-cycle inside, only thing she had to wait for a minute. She agreed (the rear gate was also very near to the girls hostel). I parked my one and came back to her. She handed me the other bi-cycle, said bye and turned to her hostel gate. After a thought I again went to her before she could entered the gate and asked her what was the time in her watch. She asked back why?. 'For time synchronization such that I didn't have to came earlier in the morning.' It was 8 min. fast. So, she delayed her watch by 8 minutes. I again asked for her no. but still it was a no with some reason so, I didn't force her to give it. Like the last time, I told her “good bye and keep smiling”. And that how we again separated to meet again the last time.

I don't know what a date mean. I don't know whether that evening was my date or, not, But only thing I know that I had my one of the best evening that day and I enjoyed that. I came to the room, return the keys. And then my friend asked me angrily “dhokhebaaz bataya bhi nahi ki tu usse phir se milne jaa raha hai”. I asked for his pardon and reminded him that I already told him about her reply mail but didn't told him what was written inside it.

I didn't tell you yet that I liked to go to IITs as they have a very good network where you can get almost everything you wanted and I am a fan of animations which are hardly found anywhere else in that much amount. So, I decided to burn some DVDs of them but unfortunately after a long search (as the shops were closed when I went to buy them) I was only able to manage 2 of them with the help of my friend. I decided one I would burn for myself full of animations and other would be for her full of songs and two movies, one comedy movie and other “Roman Holiday” (jiski tareef me sabado me nahi kar sakta, still, it is the best romantic movie I has watched in my life).

I didn't have my complete sleep (which is normally 7½ hrs). I woke up early and got fresh. Our meet time was fixed at 5:00 am (bus time- 5:15 am, her train time- 7:00 am, my train time- god knows). I bade my friend bye and thank him for his kind help. I reached at the girls’ hostel front gate sharp at 5:00 am. This time she was delay by the same amount she had delayed her watch (8 long minutes) and made me feel regret why in this world I asked for the time synchronization.

She came near me, said hi, she was now in another lovely salwar-suit (as I like) with a big trolley weigh approximately 6-7 times than my little bag. We walked together up to the bus stop but didn't have talked much. We reached at the bus stop but still we were both silent as I didn't have anything to say or, asked. Actually I didn't know how to start the conversation. May be the reason was, it was early in the morning and I am a night clawer, my mind was hardly working with quarter of its efficiency in the morning.

What a day, the bus was delayed by 8 minutes. We stepped up and sat together in the bus. She paid the fair this time and I myself didn't stop her paying for it. I said thanks. She told me its ok, if that's the case then how many she should be thankful to me for these things. In the whole 35 minutes ride we just had a conversation on how would I go to the Lucknow from there as I was just going with her without knowing what was the timing of trains to Lucknow which is situated at a distance of 72 km from Kanpur. We reached at the station. I left her in the (perhaps) waiting room and went to get a ticket. I surprised to see the long queue in front of booking counters but saw small line in the ladies counter. So, I went back and asked for her help. But unfortunately when I came back with her, the supposed small line became long. Still, she handed me the bag and took my ticket standing in the line for 35 long minutes in that sweaty, grimy, stinky environment where other were making sandwich of her (as explained by her).

It was also her first experience in a queue, a bad one, she was never been in a queue before. And there I got it, she was very angry with me but she was not showing it. I was too regretting why I asked for her help, I could take it by myself or, may be other ways were there. That time I decided that I'll never, never in my life asked any girl/woman (whoever she might be) to stand in a queue for me. It was much better to take the pain instead of letting her to take it and regretting rest of my life. That time I just had two things for her, left by British to our country, sorry and thanks, which seemed to me very less at that moment.

I took her bag to the platform no. 6-7 where her train was to come from Lucknow to her next destination. If you asked me then, Kanpur central station was the one of the dirty, small, congested station I had seen. In that platform there was no space to make our way in the platform so we had to wait near the stairs and before her train would come I inquired a near book stall owner where the D11 couch (her couch) was going to stop and relieved to hear it was going to be in front of us. She suggested to have something to eat; I replied “it already 7:00, soon her train will come. First you take your seat in the couch. I will manage something after that.”

Her train was also approximately 8 minutes late and there were hundreds of people waiting for it. Train came; everybody started crowding at the gates. I conveyed a massage from my eyes to calm down; everything was going to organize in few minutes and no need to be hurry. I put her bag to the upper bunker, asked her to stay there while I managed something to eat. I came out of the train, saw one tea stall, got there and bought all the three kind of biscuit packets, as I didn't know about her taste (and throughout my life my preparation in anything was either 100% or, 0%; so, here I made it 100%). I took them to her only to find out that she didn't like biscuits (wah, this was the first time in my life I was 100% prepared and failed).

But still I suggested her to take them as who knows when she would feel hungry. After a long request she took 2 of them (2 out of 3, 66.67%, chalo me to pass at least kar gaya). She told me that she would like to have some samosa. I told her wait a minute and I came out of the train again but didn't find any samosa stall or, someone selling it in the whole platform. Suddenly I felt that her train was going to start and I had to give her the DVD I burnt for her, so I came back to her saying 'no luck yaar, no samosa shop in the platform'. I gave her the two DVDs (my one also as I didn't have time to check which one was mine and also I didn't either mark them or, put them separately such that I could differentiate them). And then after a long time she gave me a smile.

Look at her (I know yaar you can't but see through my eyes), she was so charming when she smiles, which having power to vanishes all the sadness and tiredness. I didn't have anything to say. I was just bogged down. She bade me good bye. I shook her hand and told her “so, we are not going to meet again. Good bye.”

“Wait give me those DVDs”.

She gave me them. I started to write my number there worthlessly, as I had only a ball point pen. Then the train started. I returned them to her, took out a piece of paper from my purse (which generally I had) and started to write my no. there. She suggested me to get off from the train otherwise I would not able to. I told her its all right. I wrote my no. in my gorgeous, brilliant hand-writing (just joking yaar) and gave it to her saying 'I know you can't give me your no. but you can have mine. Bye'.

I get off from the running train (which had not had its full speed till then). I was standing in front of the window (for very few seconds), rose my hand to say good bye but didn't able to. I didn't even tell her good bye properly. I was just stuck, jammed. I felt something I just left in the train passing me by. I didn't want to let her go. Suddenly a cold war started between my mind and my heart. My heart was forcing me to get on the train, go with her, spend few more time with her. But my mind questioned me why? Even if I got on the train I would only able to spend may be 1 or, 2 days with her and finally she had to leave me. My heart didn't have any answer but still insisting me to get on, don't think anything else, just get on and make your way to her. But my mind holding me back, asked me to stop, stop the nonsense. And while these cold war was going on between my mind and my heart, the train left the platform. I think if the train had waited there few more seconds, the heart would win the war and I had boarded that train.

The train left the platform and took her in front of my eyes. My mind calmed down and let the heart to be in its miserable condition. The sadness/pain in my heart came out from it and spread in my face. I was trying to smile but was not able to hold it on. While leaving, she took also my smile with her. I was not smiling anymore. My heart was now questioning me how did I let her go so easily. I could go with her or I could invite her to come with me. (actually in the bus I was thinking to asked her to come with me to Lucknow, suggesting her to leave her train and I will buy her another reserved ticket to her destination in any train by any means. But unfortunately I was not able to ask her as I hadn't done my homework on it and 2ndly myself I didn't know where I was going in the Lucknow that time).

I myself clearly knew that one time she was going to leave me and even if she didn't then I had to leave her. I could not just wandered with her all the time. I had some responsibility and I had to take care of that. But that time I just wanted to spend some more time with her. In the platform I was feeling so loneliness. I was just not able to take her out of my mind. My train came, I went to Lucknow, had a look on its ancient treasures (actually I was in Lucknow to spend some time there to watch its beauty and also some ancient places like Imam Bara & near areas, the name and address of which I got after I arrived there from my friend sitting in the other part of India). I spent there 2-3 hours observing and enjoying the Ancient Palace, Bhoolbhulaiya, Masjids, Park, Goumti river bank etc (Goumti, also the name of her train), bearing her in my mind and thinking if she would with me here.

I toured Lucknow and enjoyed it also, but I knew my enjoyment would be much more if she would be with me. I came back to Lucknow station as my train to Howrah was in the evening that day. I had spent 1½ hours in the station. Where, the consoling process increases but still not able to bring consistent smile in my face. My this train also came late. I thought why the hell everything gonna late that day. But a 2nd thought came next justifying it, yeah this is Indian Railway and late is its birth right.

I boarded my train, took my seat. The train started, I was thinking about her and looking outside the window. It was a very nice weather outside the window. The train was going through a country side and the whole thing making it tremendously beautiful. Suddenly a big smile rolled over my face as I asked myself

'What? Why am I thinking so much?'

'A person having my thoughts and crystal clear conceptions in Love. Why had got disturbed?'

'I has just crossed one of the finest day in my life, why am I sad then?'

'I made it at last. I talked and well behaved with a girl. Isn't that more than enough for me?'

'What else I need? I should be thankful for her that she spent a tiniest part of her life with me.'

'I should be happy that this happened to me and should felt like that.'

These all together brought a watchable smile on my face. I was smiling that this happened to me. I saw outside the window, everything now looked much more charming than before. Now I wanted to stop smiling but this time also I couldn't able to do that. My condition became stable. The memories which giving me pain few minutes earlier, now became a source of enjoyment for me. Suddenly I became the most happiest person the world (see happiness and sadness all come from our mind, just thinking a situation in a different way can make us happy or sad. So, I think one should always see the life in a more positive way because the situation one is facing is not going to change anyway but seeing it a in a positive way can make us feel better at least).

I looked inside my berth. A cute angel was smiling on me from other seat. Probably I was looking like a smiling joker or so. I also gave her my big smile. Wanna know about her also. Ok let me tell you something about her. Her name was 'Zuvariya'. Nice name na. She was much cuter than her name. She was staring at me with different facial expressions. I think that at this time you are thinking of me as a kamina or something. Uff yehi garbar hai hum Indians me. Manta hoon ki me thoda kamina hoon parantu kya ek ladki mujhe dekh kar hans bhi nahi sakti hai? Aur yadi mene back smile kar diya to kya gunah kiya. All right, let me introduce her a little more. She was a lovely, cute, little angel of around 9 years old. And she was smiling with her dashing little brother 'Zaifee' (around 7). Both staring at me comically and making different facial expressions. The reason of which I found sometime later and is, I was looking like a smiling joker. My hairs were distorted by the wind as I sat near the window. Aare yaar itna bhi me kamina nahi hoon, ha lakin thoda to hoon, aur hona bhi chahiye.

Lastly, I just want to tell that yeah she walked in her way. I know I am hardly going to meet her again. And I also know that my life is not going to end sooner and I will meet many persons in future. I don't know who is going to come in my life next but out of all of them she got a distinct place in my life after all she is the first girl in my life who spent this much long time and stirred up my mind, my heart, my thinking. I may be not writing like this for them (other girls). But for her, showing my gratitude to her, I has written this. I just wanna show her that she is special to me and I want that she should feel special.

All right this is time to stop my pen. Good bye....................Keep Smiling.......

Your Friend

Santosh kumar Burnwal

My thinking on love

I had wanted to write about something since a long time - Love. This topic is manifested in every movie and drama. Without it a movie or drama is just as incomplete as a plant without leaves. The ones who are in love are not able to explain it and who are not, just wonder what kind of mystery it is. I am here to write something on it. I write on this topic mainly for two of my friends. One is King of kings and other is the Peak. No—no these are not the name of my friends but are the meaning of their name. And is edited by my friend the insuppressible light which is virtually not moving.

A lot of people live around us. Of them some faces we like and some faces we don’t and towards the rest we are indifferent. So, I am going to put up some discussion on face. I have found that a person with long face likes a person with a round face and vice-versa. But this is not universally true but just a relative liking. This means a person with round face tends more to like a long face than another round faced person. This theory is just another thought of mine and not yet fully verified. But u too should be aware of it that I am not in very much contact with one complete kind of human.

So, when we see one person, different types of feelings come into our mind. Obviously some are positively of liking while some are not. When we see people and get attracted towards them, some of us feel like that they are in love with that person. Is this love? Obviously not, it is just affection. Actually the face just matches with the ideal face shape of the person in our mind. Then, what is love? Love is affection with caring where we not only care for that person and but also his/her happiness. We do care about our parents, brothers and sisters and their happiness i.e. we love them. We’ll do everything for their happiness. This is, I consider, love. And we show our love to them by showing our caring and supporting nature towards them. This is also true with the love which we are generally suggested about.

Love has got another name: sacrifice. Love is how much we can give to our loved ones without hoping any returns. And also if u love someone then it doesn’t mean that the person is also in love with u or he/she is not bound to love u as love doesn’t have any relation with exchanging feelings. Some of us think that if they love someone, then that person should love them and be with them. Does u think this a love? Isn’t it just like business or something like that? U love someone for being loved by them. Ha ha ha what a joke. Although I think it is good to be little selfish in love but u just can’t force the person to love u. It is a feeling that comes without knocking at your door. But again one must not be blind in love as neither the person u love is the only person u love in this world nor does love give u the power of breaking human laws.

Now in this world Tajmahal is hailed not only as the greatest symbol of love but also as one of the wonders of the world. But the love of Shahjahan and Mumtaz is not famous as love of Laila-Majnoo, Heer-Ranjha, and Romeo-Juliet etc. Why? Because Shahjahan materialized his love. For his love all he did was cruelty whence he cut the hands of 20,000 workers of Tajmahal in the name of his love so that his materialized love may not be repeated. In my thought his love is not love but a great affection toward his wife since a person in love can not exhibit such cruelty or show off their love.

Earlier I had written about being blind in love. What is that? Sometimes it is heard that someone ate poison, jumped from a high territory, etc thereby committing suicide by some means. But why Is it so? Perhaps either their lover wanted to see the extent of love or they just might have wanted to dump them or some other reason. This is being “blind in love”. If we are in love with anyone or anything, it doesn’t mean that we have to become their slave and have to act on their will or must do what they ask us. Love makes us great ,not a slave or something like that. We don’t need to hear and follow everything that our loved ones ask for or do everything on their will. Rather I feel that we should hear to our heart and do whatever our heart tells us to do so that if anything goes wrong, we have only ourselves to blame. Secondly listening to our heart never leads us to the wrong path and we are never misguided. Hence in love we can do everything for happiness of our loved ones but everything we do must come from our heart and also which must not be biased.

Yeah, I hope I am almost drained now. At this moment I don’t have any more to say on love. However later, if I get any more information/thinking on this topic, I shall try to let u know. Bye—bye, take care and keep smiling…………and lots of luv from me…………………….

---------Santosh kumar Burnwal----------------